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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It is long but I need blogger help today!

Okay, so I know marriage is supposed to be like Christ's relationship with the church. That is the goal I get that. I get that if my hubby is lined up biblically submission is good. I can even do that. It is everything else that has be stumped.
I know the other stuff is fleshly and I shouldn't even get caught up in it but the bottom line is I am at times. I hate when people know what Kevin has done and tell me you are a fool he will do it again, once maybe not but twice it is so happening again. Are you a glutten for punishment? The reason he does it is free will and he says he doesn't know why he did it except people who know him can't love him because they know he isn't that great. (WRONG, when he isn't cheating he really is that great). He isn't perfect but who is I'm not either. Still he is darn near, at least in my eyes. I am able to look past all the imperfection and see the love God has for him. He really cares which is why often he reacts like he does he cares so much he is afraid he wil get hurt or hurt someone he loves and so he does it anyway. Only, he is so cute with his eyes and the heart of GOD I know he has I don't want to leave, but I don't want to let the affairs continue to happen either.

So here is the question for today.

What is an affair or infidelity or adultery whatever you want to call it?

Too me it is a relationship with another thing or person (other than God) more than you have with your spouse. It can be a job, a person, an internet relationship, sexual events etc. An affair can be an addiction to a substance. Let me tell you I am interested in what others think because K and I are far apart on this definition. I need clarity and right now I am not getting it. I know lust can even be an affair. Also, I want to know what all you people in blogdon think is the right thing to do.

I know God's opinion is the only one that can influence me but I am feeling crazy and want ot hear what others say. See I mourned a new part of my marriage today (even though we are doing okay right now) I was reflecting about how the first time I found out he was unfaithful I really thought I would die, I called my counselor and asked if I could sit in her office until she could see me because I was finding it hard to breathe. I thought maybe I had stuck my finger in a light socket or something, I weighed 500 pounds in my chest I couldn't eat, sleep and really honestly breathing was extremely hard. I thought if I didn't die physically I would surely end up in the hospital for the rest of my life. (Cancer almost did that too me) I was excited for the cancer because it meant the pain would stop. Finally after I got really real with God from anger to repentence(SP) I began to heal, but the pain at times would creep in and I would give it to my father after a few tears of course(God could flood the world with my tears alone in his hand) but he healed me first of the affair I thought, then the cancer, then he really healed me of the affair parts I didn't deal with since I was dying. Anyway, this time when it happened and it wasn't physical I merely thought to myself.."I knew it was coming, he didn't deal with what caused it the first time and I knew it would happen again, God help me through it again and give me guidance." So the mourning came this morning when I realized it didn't hurt like the first time, I didn't think I was dying I hate it and what it all represents and it is going to be a healing process but it wasn't devastating. What does that say about me and my marriage and this mess I am in? How do I feel. Pray for me and K because I am so sadden by this loss I never want to think a affair is coming and I didn't focus on it but I guess I must have subconsciously filed it away because it is there. What does it mean and don't you think it is sad too? I am married still but I have lost a part of this marriage that scares me. I love him so much is that okay? What does all this mean?
On that note I guess I will go back to the word and get some God answers as well. Have a great Thursday!


  • At 5:41 PM, Blogger theresa said…

    My marriage broke up because of my husband's affair. It was a heartbreak like no other, I thought I would die from the pain. Only you know the answers. As for me, I ended the marriage. 3 years later, he begged me to come back to him. I can't. It's done. No matter how lonely I am at times and how much I miss him, for me, ending the marriage was the right thing. Of course there were many addictions that he had which I learned to deal with. We were leaders in our church, we ran groups on marriage counseling and such....anyway, just listen to your motives, listen to your heart and your head. I'll be praying for you.

  • At 5:52 PM, Blogger kpjara said…

    Listen to your heart my dear sister! Stay, leave, it from a motivation from God and no other, k?

    Love you!
    Call if you just want to talk.

  • At 7:32 AM, Blogger the voice said…

    I think you are right in that An affair can be not just with another person, but also can be any number of addictions that a person has. The focus of a marriage should be on one's spouse; anything that takes away that focus is no different than an actual affair. This does, of course,not include worshiping God, as God should be the center of the marriage. I also believe that unconditional love is not only okay, but is what Jesus modeled for us. With that aid, you need to look at the whole. I really do not know all you have been through, so I am not qualified to tell you what to do. You must look at what his infideleties are doing to you, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You must look at what they do to your family. Do you believe that he can actually be faithful, physically and emotionally? One thing I would advise, given what I do know. At least have a plan for yourself, and your kids, if you do leave. Try and stash some money; call it a rainy day account, if you want. Know where you would go and have some idea of how you would survive. Just prepare, then hope and pray you never have to do it. God luck, and you will continue to be in my prayers. God bless you, Ken

  • At 7:46 AM, Blogger great2beme said…

    Okay, so Teresa do you still love him? I know you can still love someone and not be able to stay together but I just wondered.

    Ken, thanks for the advice. Also for your answer to the ultimate question, what is an affair. I have already started a little bit of a financial plan the sad thing is I quit my job when school is out and I would have to freelance and insurance (because of my past cancer) would be a major issue. I will make sure I have a nice cushion if it had to happen. I really like what you said at the end prepare but pray it doesn't ever have to happen. Maybe then when we are older, the kids are gone etc. we can use it to travel or something.

    Kim I know you are always there thanks for being faithful I know it is hard when you are close to the one who is hurting. Love you sister.


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