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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Second Best

I have been struggling with Kevin for some time now, and I think I am beginning to see one place I went wrong. I had God in second place to my husband. If he wanted to go to church I went, if he didn’t I didn’t. If he came in during my quiet time I stopped, kissed him and gave that time that should have been God’s to him.
I feel really bad, but thankfully I have a forgiving God and things will be okay. The thing is how I realized it is because Kevin’s free will has allowed him to place me below second or third I am after his work, his girlfriend, himself and so on. I am not even sure I am on his list. Yet when I try to give him his space he tells me it hurts him when he comes home and I want to do something. I hate when I see bad behavior coming from someone else and realize it was also mine at some point. What do I do? I am a little confused today.
I am making sure God gets his time first and I am doing better emotionally but I miss my other friend, the one I married who has always been there. How do we go through the motions knowing that our best friend who we would have gone to at one time is now the problem and we have other friends but it is scary to trust again. I know all the biblical answers but today I still feel sad for my friend.
Don’t get me wrong God is fulfilling me but there is still a void where he used to be. Just pray I will be fine, thanks to a loving Father I always am. I hope that I never let God be second best in my life again.


  • At 10:18 AM, Blogger kpjara said…

    hang in there sister...we both KNOW and must REMEMBER...God is at work!

  • At 11:51 PM, Blogger Overwhelmed! said…

    Hi there! I've just now discovered that you have my blog linked on yours. Thank you!

    I've read all your posts. I'm so sorry that you're in a difficult situation with your marriage right now.

    Please know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

    Hang in there!

  • At 3:32 PM, Blogger tam said…

    Just want you to know that I pray for you daily and have not stopped for a couple of weeks now...

    I'm not totally caught up on your posts but I do skim as I try to stay up to date with prayer for you...

    I can identify with some of your hurts (not precise but close) I cry out to the Lord on your behalf and K's...


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