Forgiveness

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in a long time. I went to church and Bible study without my significant other. Sad to some degree yes, but bittersweet in a way as I learn to live alone until he is checked in again. I need God. I get teachings that I need at church. Not to mention the moral support. I have been readding tough love by Dobson and he says not to be mean but also not to cover for a spouse running from God. So I didn't when they asked I said he doesn't feel church is beneficial to him right now, nor is time with God. See he used to be a leader among the men at church they have great respect for him, and this didn't change it. It simply prompted everyone to pray for us, and who doesn't need prayer. I am a little scared of the outcome, because God will take away the things that are blocking Kevin from his time with the Lord and one of those things is work. The job that provides us comfort is also providing stress. Still, I would rather die poor knowing my husband is going to fall back into the covering of the Lord then have a house and things and know his soul became lost. Ugh! Ugly thought

So, when you don't want to go to church, your life is a total mess in the morning and everything that can go wrong does, in my world this means they have something for someone in our house that we HAVE to be there. I drudgingly go sometimes but we make it. Anyway, low and behold it was on forgiveness. Things I knew and I had heard, but things were said in a new way still I wasn't completely sure why we were there when someone had a word from God that made it clear. They said, "chose me now, don't wait don't become busy I am the way. I give you purpose and give you peace. Turn to the people who love you yes, but turn to me God for answers it won't be found in other busy work." Then if that wasn't enough another person had more words but too long to go into. Anyway, I realized my husband was suppose to be there. It is one of the many times he missed what God had for him adn because he can't receive anything from me now I decided not to share. I know God can get the message to him some other time or he will tell me to share.

The day continued and at Bible study people gave testimonies to things that needed to be forgiven in their lives and one was exactly what Kevin and I have been saying. It was our story. The sad thing was he wasn't there again. The good thing is that I heard it and I can find peace in it and use the part that was meant for me. My challenge is to go to him in love and peace in everything I say and do. Also, not to accept his leaving God but to encourage him when I see anything Godly he does. I will work on only pointing out the positive. At first, it may be quiet around here, but remember I am the one looking for small blessings so God will open my eyes to the good. Just the fact he is still coming home is a blessing right now. I pray his heart softens and he figures out what he needs (GOD). In the meantime, here are the top 5 things I love about my mate. In the midst of crisis we should all look for the good. After all they are easy to love in the good times and much more difficult in the bad but they are still our gifts from God.

1. I love the way he is a great listener.
2. I love how safe I feel in his arms, even when fighting.
3. I love the way he is responsible.
4. I love when he sings love songs to me! AMAZING!
5. I love that he is my God given mate and he is committed today!

Thank God for the little things help me to see the positive even in the things that drive me crazy.

There were other ways this could have been said come on we have all done it.

1. I wish he would talk more.
2. Because I know he isn't out sleeping around (harsh but true)

See we could see the negative but take today to put it in the positive it will make the whole world a better place.