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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Testimony begins


Okay so I promised I would write my little testimony about the gift I received from God and I never once said it would be short, but I will give the condensed version and if you want the longer story you will have to meet up with me someday.

When I was about 25 (I say "about" because I can’t give away my real age) anyway I had left my husband who had battered me for a long time and gotten into the best physical shape I had ever been in. I don’t know if I was the thinnest I had ever been but I was healthy and felt great. I taught preschool and one day a rambunctious little girl was very angry and she kicked me, she kicked me so hard I was stunned. A couple weeks later the bruise didn’t go away and it was draining (I thought) down my leg, around my ankle forming a bigger bruise than I had ever seen. I decided I must be a little anemic (understand I didn’t have insurance or even enough money to pay my water bill often). I was renting my parents house and often not mailing money because I didn’t have it. This story will explain that for sure.

Okay so I go to the doctor who later calls and says I need to see a specialist. I explained it took me a couple weeks to have enough money to pay for the visit I made for them I certainly could not afford to go back in especially to a specialist. Making a long story short they thought the bruise was possibly more serious then that. After the help from a friend I found a good doctor who told me it was possible I had cancer although he would rather not run tests until he was sure I had insurance (his name can’t be mentioned I would never want a Godly man like that to be in trouble for saving my life). I got insurance (sort of) it wasn’t great I didn’t work for a big company it was a small one, the co-pays, deductibles etc basically left me bankrupt and I didn’t even have money to pay my parents (they didn’t know because I didn’t want to worry them so I didn’t tell them where my money was going, little did I know the thoughts of where that might be was probably worse than if I had told them) they were across the country I didn’t want to worry them I couldn’t tell them I had cancer. Kidney cancer I hid it until an ex-fiancé’ accidentally told them I had been having chemo. I did recover from that after some very aggressive treatment.

I got well, married my husband who adopted my daughter and he paid off what debts I had from that last cancer, although my doctor waived whatever he could that didn’t cost him. He has been amazing. Still my right kidney was never quite the same. Anyway, we were married and decided to have my son, the doctor encouraged us to wait the full five years, but I told him I was old, with the chemo and my age were all factors on if I could even get pregnant I was leaving it in God’s hands and he would decide when. I had my son about 9 ½ months later. The greatest decision of my life be sure. Except a 9 month period without treatment wasn’t a great idea and on his first birthday I received my first treatment for CML (Leukemia). We treated it aggressive also and when Gleevec(sp) came out I went into remission although with leukemia they call you cured. This was a short 4 years after the first bout with cancer. Anyway, I was doing great. Still, going in for check ups but they were far apart and life seemed great. We had a few issues of course between the cancer and my insecurities not knowing who I truly was in Christ, and my husband felt un-loved so he had an affair. I found out and believe it or not the depression from that was far worse then the cancer had ever been. I couldn’t seem to get out of it long enough to get my life together. I was in counseling and that helped but it hurt. Condensing again, I started feeling badly, couldn’t stay awake, (thought it was depression so I didn’t say anything to anyone) then the infamous itching that only a cancer victim knows started and there was that platelet thing being so low I bled out the pores of my skin. I called the doctor again. It was sure enough cancer one last time. This time they called is CUPS (cancer of unknown source) it was worse then ever. I had it in my pancreas, liver, kidney and tumors throughout my whole body. There was a spot in my spine that was so big fluid wasn’t flowing. I had so much organ damage from past chemo that it just wasn’t an option. He told me all I could do was pray. He said prayer is good though he is only a doctor and that God would have the answer ultimately as to what would happen. Best case 6 months and that was really optimistic. He did some checking and said to go to a treatment center and see if I met the criteria for a study they were doing on Pancreas cancer. So, I packed up my family for our last vacation that we would ever take together and we went to Galveston and then to Houston and I did meet the criteria only since it was solely for pancreas it probably wasn’t going to do much except extend my life. I would not live and that needed to be clear.

I planned my funeral, I asked my best friend to sing and sign to songs to my kids, I took my sister to see my gravesite. I told everyone and of course I prayed relentlessly. However, I was already living a miracle. I had no right kidney function left, my liver was down to 3% I believe and my pancreas they didn’t say much about except that they couldn’t see function. I was truly a walking dead women. Every time I went in they couldn’t believe I was still alive. I later was entered into a new study with an affiliate to a cancer treatment center I am not sure I am allowed to say where so I will leave that out since it is a study. I know above might have told you a little, but this man was outside the hospital. I was able to get on his study but it was in the very beginning stages and there was little to no hope. It was a matter of time. I quit going to churches that prayed for my healing because walking and talking was the miracle I was supposed to have. I pursued my degree and agreed when I was too sick I would no longer go and stay with my family. My goals were short term, shoe tying, first dances, maybe school for my youngest. I did things I never thought I would because I want my kids to know they can persevere through anything. (another long story goes along with how I did that wrong later) J

So, a few years later I was still kicking and the rest of this is to be continued because this is way to long today already, I will finish tomorrow, but know it is a happy ending after all I am typing this aren’t I?


  • At 11:33 AM, Anonymous LammyAnn said…

    Oh my heavens. I had no idea what you'd been through.
    It is an amazing story so far and I cannot wait to read what comes next---although I know the outcome! :)
    Glad to have met you at the luncheon.

  • At 11:40 AM, Blogger Aunt Murry said…

    I know that I heard you tell this Saturday but it still gives me chills.

  • At 3:45 PM, Blogger theresa said…

    Amazing story, can't wait to hear it all.

  • At 4:04 PM, Blogger sarah said…

    I'm eagerly waiting for part 2. This makes me really wish I was able to stay after the lunch on Saturday - I would have loved to hear this in person.

  • At 7:11 PM, Blogger kpjara said…

    I'm so proud of you for stepping outside your comfort zone and putting this out here!

    I'm so glad you're here, it helps me remember how beautiful my world is!

    I can't believe you're going to be 3_ in just 6 days!


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