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Focus Focus Focus... Not my strong point. Instead I enjoy life regardless of my focus.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Okay, I want to start by saying and time we are not obeying we all know that really means we are disobeying. That was said in church this last weekend and I know I knew it but for some reason it seemed to hit me just right. (yes, wrong too because sometimes I am not the best at obedience, that must be where my kids get it but don't tell their daddy).

Anyway, years ago I kept telling my husband we should get more involved in church and we did we started teaching in the children church (ages 4-5) and we did once a month for over a year, along with helping out in other areas and joining a couples Bible study. The lady who headed childrens church never learned our names until one day when she thought we forgot to do something then miraculously she remembered. I had already been dis-content in the childrens ministry but for so long I had thought I wanted to be a teacher that I knew it must be my calling and I needed to be obedient. Still I didn't I left there not the church but the nursery and let me say the preacher's son that was in our class was the test of my faith in all time. (or so I thought until yesterday).

Yesterday, I worked in the VBS at our church (mainly because my son has major insecurity issues right now) and I have sense learned my gift is mercy not teaching or children's church. Not only that but I went into a field that people are quiet (which as much as we love them we know children never are, until they are teens when we beg them to talk again). Anyway, there was a child there last night that was out fo control. Cute albeit, but crazy hyper adn threw fits on the floor etc. I knew at that moment why that other child had been in my life, to prepare me for this new challenge (oh yes and my marriage at the moment too). It often feels like that is what my husband is doing during this time). Anyway, this kids ran wild and I felt like I was going crazy. I was glad that I wasn't really called to that ministry because it allowed me to have more patience (knowing it is only a week) and it allowed me to appreciate my kids more.

As I watched this child I thought to myself is that how I appear to God when I am not getting what I have been praying for that maybe I think was due last week or last year? Do I lose my obedience because I think it should be my way. Worse do I do it anyway thinking God just hasn't gotten around to it so I will fix it? Am I trusting God the way he calls me too? I know now I don't want to appear to God the way that crazy little boy appeared to me. I want to be obedient when I don't know the when, where or how things are going to happen but simply because I have been taught to do that. Thank you God for helping me through my immaturity and please help me continue to grow. I will try to be the child you created me to be and I will stop trying to hurry you along not allowing your work to be completed in me or in others.


  • At 6:31 AM, Blogger kpjara said…

    OH MY WORD! It never even dawned on me how I appear to the out-of-control, immature brat I can be! How funny, but poignant!

    Thanks for that gentle but honest reminder.


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