What a day!

Why is it that our kids do so well and as soon as they think you are going to tell someone something positive or just after you do they do the exact opposite of what we were praising them for? I know it is God's great sense of humor. Funny how I find it very difficult to laugh at that moment. I still love them of course I just begin to feel frustrated and exhausted.
This is when God reminds me they are here for his purpose and not mine no matter what my judgmental world around me thinks. I know I still have to teach them right from wrong and sadly punish them when they do wrong, but their outcome is out of my hands. I have started to turn them and their "issues" over to God everyday sinec I tend to pick them back up out of his to do box in the afternoon when they are having "their moments". I do give it back each day. God gently whispers in my ear remember me the one in control of those kids I LOANED you. I trust you to teach them my ways but what they do adn become will be up to that free will I gave them. I will guide them and it may be easier to allow that if you will remember that I am the only one who loves those kids more than you. Still I find myself frustrated when they mess up.
My kids really are good kids. They don't have any really big problems thanks to God's control. They are not on drugs, pregnant, prostitutes or even sexually active at this point. I am proud of those choices they have made. Still getting one to do homework is a stress and the other one does it easier but doesn't give it to the teachers. I don't get it. My friend swears that last one will become a missionary because she has bigger concerns than school work. She is compassionate and great with real life issues. She is a writer for sure. I am definitely her biggest fan here. Even when she does this my folks say wow is she depressed? They don't appreciate poetry or free will as far as that goes.
I guess I am off on a tangent because all I really wanted to say was isn't it great how God loves our kids even when we find them seriously frustrating and tiring?! There is a peace there that I wish I could or would choose to stay in everyday that I live. I will do the teaching and Know that I KNOW God will do the guiding more than me and I will have peace in their choices knowing they are a gift and I am doing my best with God's blessings.

I am so confused

Okay, so I started this weeks ago and never posted again then tonight I posted on the other blog I set up because I couldn't get into this one. I am a complete nut so my deep thoughts for today are on my other site this will be short. I will continue here from this point forward. As long as I can log on again. Life is so crazy.
It is late at least for people my age and I am exhausted. The 15 1/2 year old who has abundant energy unless I need her help and the equally guilty 9 year old who has the same disease have warn me ragged the last few days, and the sad part was I didn't even see them much do to a trip for testing. They are good kids but even good kids can wear us down.
God has taught me so many things recently and although he uses them as toold quite frequently he is drawing me in right now all by myself. I mean I think they are part of it because I hope my reflection of what I am learning is blessing them as much as it does me.
I think I have heard the Lord more lately then I have in my entire life. Maybe it is because I am listening more but I love the things that are happening in my life right now. God has healed me of both physical and mental ailments and I like the person I am becoming. My husband asked me the other day what it was I was talking about and what God is teaching me, man I bet he never dreamed we were going to have a 3 hour conversation and I would end it with that is just a smidgen of it. I don't know what he heard and what he didn't but I know the attitude God is giving me is blessing him because I see it in the way he looks at me.
Weird to think of what causes us to start growing again when we never realized we stopped. You know we all get those emails about having girlfriends even though we have family is key to our lives. I knew that and for more reasons then those emails can even touch, still I wasn't nuturing my life long friends as much as I was the newest group. I didn't think it was wrong but last July I had a wake up call I had recently been talking to a friend from elementary school I thought she was talking to me (see her hubby had died from a alcohol/drug overdose which was believed to be self-inflicted) she had a lot of stress but seemed to be handling it better then I thought I ever would. I was wrong I was trying to reach her to check on her again one day and the next day I found out all those calls went unanswered for a reason she had shot herself. A part of me died that day with her. Not guilt but sadness for how empty her world was and that I didn't hear it in her voice. I decided that day I would reunite with any and all of my friends that had fallen by the wayside. Especially since I thought she was one of the stronger people I knew. WOW!
Since then I started talking to a girl who knew the immature me, before marriage, divorce, cancer, kids and marriage again. She reveals things about me that I don't even remember some aren't pretty I promise but they have also been a part of what the lord has been using to develop my new character. I have so much enjoyed our chats about old times and new times and plans for future times. I used to be so jealous of her now I realize it was because she was becoming the person I wanted to be only before me. Sounds weird I know, but she was developing character and family and all of that and I couldn't keep up. I didn't realize God wanted me in a different place. Now we chat and we are in almost the same place in different ways and we have made a grown up connnection I am so grateful for her friendship. I have spent time with all my friends and I will do my best to make sure they know they are loved everyday. God can use me in those lives anyway he wants. I love my family but I also love the people outside my family.
My growth for today was to see what God has for me truly is bigger than I ever imagined. I had been limiting him with my prayers and I won't do it anymore. I still have bad and immature days but now God reveals them and manages to teach me a little every day. He is so good!

love to chat

love to chat
I am new at this, but I have a goal in mind and that is to grow me and my family. To love one another even and especially on the tough days. I want to speak wisdom in their life and learn from them as well. I believe they have a purpose in this world and so do I and I can't wait until everyone of us finds our place; or makes our place in the world. I am doing these blogs because my sister encouraged me, I sure I hope I can figure it out after I log out today. I am not sure why she thought I should she is the gifted speaker and writer I am the listener, but I guess I can listen through others thoughts. Wish me luck!