I am so confused

Okay, so I started this weeks ago and never posted again then tonight I posted on the other blog I set up because I couldn't get into this one. I am a complete nut so my deep thoughts for today are on my other site this will be short. I will continue here from this point forward. As long as I can log on again. Life is so crazy.
It is late at least for people my age and I am exhausted. The 15 1/2 year old who has abundant energy unless I need her help and the equally guilty 9 year old who has the same disease have warn me ragged the last few days, and the sad part was I didn't even see them much do to a trip for testing. They are good kids but even good kids can wear us down.
God has taught me so many things recently and although he uses them as toold quite frequently he is drawing me in right now all by myself. I mean I think they are part of it because I hope my reflection of what I am learning is blessing them as much as it does me.
I think I have heard the Lord more lately then I have in my entire life. Maybe it is because I am listening more but I love the things that are happening in my life right now. God has healed me of both physical and mental ailments and I like the person I am becoming. My husband asked me the other day what it was I was talking about and what God is teaching me, man I bet he never dreamed we were going to have a 3 hour conversation and I would end it with that is just a smidgen of it. I don't know what he heard and what he didn't but I know the attitude God is giving me is blessing him because I see it in the way he looks at me.
Weird to think of what causes us to start growing again when we never realized we stopped. You know we all get those emails about having girlfriends even though we have family is key to our lives. I knew that and for more reasons then those emails can even touch, still I wasn't nuturing my life long friends as much as I was the newest group. I didn't think it was wrong but last July I had a wake up call I had recently been talking to a friend from elementary school I thought she was talking to me (see her hubby had died from a alcohol/drug overdose which was believed to be self-inflicted) she had a lot of stress but seemed to be handling it better then I thought I ever would. I was wrong I was trying to reach her to check on her again one day and the next day I found out all those calls went unanswered for a reason she had shot herself. A part of me died that day with her. Not guilt but sadness for how empty her world was and that I didn't hear it in her voice. I decided that day I would reunite with any and all of my friends that had fallen by the wayside. Especially since I thought she was one of the stronger people I knew. WOW!
Since then I started talking to a girl who knew the immature me, before marriage, divorce, cancer, kids and marriage again. She reveals things about me that I don't even remember some aren't pretty I promise but they have also been a part of what the lord has been using to develop my new character. I have so much enjoyed our chats about old times and new times and plans for future times. I used to be so jealous of her now I realize it was because she was becoming the person I wanted to be only before me. Sounds weird I know, but she was developing character and family and all of that and I couldn't keep up. I didn't realize God wanted me in a different place. Now we chat and we are in almost the same place in different ways and we have made a grown up connnection I am so grateful for her friendship. I have spent time with all my friends and I will do my best to make sure they know they are loved everyday. God can use me in those lives anyway he wants. I love my family but I also love the people outside my family.
My growth for today was to see what God has for me truly is bigger than I ever imagined. I had been limiting him with my prayers and I won't do it anymore. I still have bad and immature days but now God reveals them and manages to teach me a little every day. He is so good!